Love sucks...

Wow, isn't it amazing how his voice sounds just like it did in 1975??? Lol...

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So, beautiful Old Flame, aka Singerbabe, and I had sushi to catch up on the latest. She had a miraculous reconciliation with her long estranged father- got me misty-eyed to hear about him holding his sleeping grandbaby.

We concluded that love sucks, is hard and even like war.

"Some tell me that if it's real love then it's easy and I just don't believe it," she said.

She also pointed out that I couldn't have been in love with dreamgirl at first kiss because I didn't know her at that point. After her dissing me last time she was with me I'm beginning to wonder if I ever really knew her. I have an incredible imagination and, apparently, a great capacity to deceive myself.

And this makes me think. When I met Old Flame years ago I fell in love very quickly. None of that 'don't say the word, love, for 6 months.' And I was quickly in love with Annie from England and last December I was getting very loving towards Singerbabe again during the 5 weeks we were seeing each other even though it turned out she was no longer interested to me in that way.

So, am I merely in love with the idea of being in love?

Hmmmmm....
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Loneliness and Pain

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Its like a black thing,
Dark and heavy, this pain....

It steals my breath
Makes me sweat
When it's not hot.

I see a young couple
And it slowly grinds deeper
On my dull and lonely heart.

Every pretty woman
Reminds me of my failure
To love that woman
As she deserved,
As I deserve.

Oh God, may this be the last time
I ever feel this lonely pain-
The very last time...
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More thoughts

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Still wondering if she deliberately mislead me out of fear of losing my companionship.
And to give her number to him, that is pure DISRESPECT. Total disregard for my feelings. She treated her ex better than that. Her eyes were totally self-centered.... Dark thoughts. Darker feelings.
It's lovely having met Dutchess, she is going through the same things....
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Thoughts and deeds

Short jog today around ghetto neighborhood. They're opening a grocery store on the corner. Lost 15 pounds!!
Decided to be accountable to Mark, 24/7 for my inner life.
Two days ago all hope for her died. Bereft and yet looking forward to meeting new women. Stopped crying. Wondering if she led me on deliberately so as not to lose my daily companionship- or am I blame-shifting?
Trying to voice chat with Rhyannon who wants to visit me, perhaps.
Met Dutchess today via Twitter and she plays poker semi-professionally and loves the NFL!!!
Dark days and bright moments....
It all will work out.
This is my year.

Things are looking up

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It hasn't escaped my notice that many of these blogposts are rather dark and negative. Not too attractive, it seems to me now.
Well, things are looking up.

I have concluded that I am in my season of love after several years of being the lonely man. Now I am the lucky man and things are looking up not only in the romance department. I have completed a year of dealing at the Imperial Princess and may get promoted to full time soon. I am already working full time hours and with this I will be able to have cheap health insurance benefits and be eligible to get pulled a day or two to the Big House where tokes are higher.

And it looks like I may be able to triple my income in the next 6 months. That is, if I can figure out why so many casinos are not giving me interviews like they are to my co-workers. I'm worried that my 26 year old offense is blocking me or the sod who stole my identity with his arrest warrants tagged to my name. That would suck if Bellagio wouldn't hire me cuz of that crap.

I started jogging and using the elliptical in the gym. I hope to run the Las Vegas Marathon in December. It would be so cool if I could reduce my pot belly in half. I already lost at least 7 pounds! Took my belt in two notches and am at the last one and my pants are already loose on me. That is welcome news, indeed.

Now, if I can just find my gracious lover....
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Changes In His Life

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Some of Vegas Baby's dreams die and others survive.

The woman he loved decided she wanted to go back to her ex when she found out how grave her cancer threat was. However, she was rebuffed by him and she came back to Vegas Baby apologizing for hurting him three days after he broke off contact, telling her he didn't do love triangles. But, nonetheless, she still wanted to reconcile with the old flame.

So Vegas Baby took the hint, and decided to move on with his life, although the gravity of her health demanded he support her through her sojourn through the valley of the shadow of death until she came clear of it and walked in the light of day again.

He was troubled, for he loved her so and felt so bereft, and he wrestled with his soul for days until he realized that his only option was indeed to go on with his life as she urged him to do and seek to make his life as good as he can and find a woman to love who was ready for him. She was even openly encouraging him to seduce another woman and all so, obviously, she was over him.

So he found the wherewithal to go on when a man advised him to thank her for bringing an end to the lover relationship and agree with her that it would be a good idea for them to go their separate romantic ways. It all became so clear to him.


He had beautiful Rhyannon in Second Life who was full of wise advice and clarified for him the truth behind the dynamics between him and her and her ex. They had a 4 year history together and she loved the guy and he only had 5 months of a torrid (at least for him) romance with her. There really was no comparison.

Sure, she had mentioned love and marriage and babies at one time- but that was in passing. He mistook her meaning and got carried away. He envisioned decades of love and all that goes with it. But the truth soon caught up with his foolish fantasies and she let him know where her heart lay. It shook him- shook him deep, but warm Rhyannon was there to kindly explain it to him and even offer comfort and she may even visit him in real life at his casino (she said she wants to bring him a bottle of his favorite scotch).

He has opportunities for romance and ardor in Second Life and at work with Sasa and Korean Mary and with some friends from his past. Vegas Baby's ex-lover was right- he needs to get on with his life....
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Improve your life!

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Walk/jog

Lose 14 lbs

See a therapist

Bear down on roulette

Call your loved ones weekly

Make $80,000 a yr

Love a beautiful young woman

Drive a red Corvette

Raise beautiful children and grand children!
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